From the wake on Saturday, as written by Alex Angel. Whom I thank for this. I thought I'd put it up for those that might want to see it, for posterity's sake.
Ladies, gentlemen, linux geeks:
We are here tonight to commemorate the passing of Ryan Bianchi, linux programmer and true Waterloo Compsci student. His days as a pure geek are over, and has entered the next world, one where he's attractive to women.
Ryan Bianchi was born a hopeless nerd on April 5, 1983. Throughout his geeky life, he carried on the tradition of computer nerds faithfully, never straying to the deadly temptation of women, until now. He was a proud linux geek, and is continued by his Widow and fellow [note: honourary] Mathie, Sarah-Beth Doner.
Ryan's friends knew him as a strong, silent, and often sleep-deprived man. A man of few words and little social sophistication under normal circumstances. Only those who knew him best were aware of the dangerous behaviour he exhibited under the influence of alcohol. The man would forget his proud amateur programmer heritage when drunk and actively court women with a easy-going,
engaging charm that would unfortunately turn out to be his downfall.
You might all be wondering how Mr. Bianchi met his tragic end as a linux geek. As I myself am responsible, in part, for his death, I will break my silence and admit my guilt in this sordid affair. One day, last semester, I invited him to join me at a company co-op party at the Brick Brewery. During this party, with malicious intent to end his existence as a true geek, I introduced Ryan to Sarah-Beth. They quickly hit it off and after that, it was only a matter of time before their association would result in the end of Ryan's true linux programmer days.
I'm certain that Mr. Bianchi's remaining true linux geek friends will have their own revelations and memories about the man who was. They miss their fellow pure mathie, but we mustn't be too upset about his passing. We must all remember, no matter how painfully we mourn who he was, that Ryan's in a better place now. He's entered Nirvana, a place where boobies are real and firm and inviting, and
not just used as method and variable names or ascii art.
I had originally intended to bring out Ryan's most closely held secret and have him buried with it. A few years ago, I had discovered an unmarked hard drive in his stash of old technology, a most interesting hard drive indeed, for on it was an 8GB collection of ascii porn, japanese dating sim games, and a good deal of furry and anime porn. These items, while shocking, were simply an indicator of the strength of Ryan's dedication to the computer geek life. However, the deepest, darkest secret of his life was buried in this drive...for not only did it contain no open source software or linux installations, but it booted by
default to a Windows Millenium Edition installation. Now, this was a secret that I'm sure Ryan wished to have buried with him, but to my amazementk, when Ryan left this world, his hard drive winked out of existence in a burst of flame and light. Maybe some secrets, some porn, and some Operating System
habits really aren't meant to survive their owner.
Ryan: here's to you. You're in a much better place now. You were one awesome sonofabitch. To quoth an old favorite anime of mine: "It is unfortunate to have entered Nirvana without having enjoyed the taste of good sake". Since I know you never had this opportunity in your true linux geek days, here's my
tribute to you:
